Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
