We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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