i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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