why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize