you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
