Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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