Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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