Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
