Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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