you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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