listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
