I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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