Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
