everyone is single if you try hard enough
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
