It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
