the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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