Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
