last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
