I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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