he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
