I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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