I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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