Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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