Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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