Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
