I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
