I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
