Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
