So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
