the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
