He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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