i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I am mentally ready for anal.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
