you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
