we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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