I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
