they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just google imaged poop.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
