I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
