there's paper in my vomit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Randomize
