some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
