true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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