JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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