I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
