I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
