I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
