the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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