Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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