does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
