Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
