Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
