he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
