What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
