My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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