i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
