I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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