Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
