One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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